I Hate This! Blog » Movie Industry

I Hate Will Farrell!

Kevin — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 11:13:51 +0000

Seriously, I hate Will Farrell. He’s everywhere. I can’t think of one movie that hasn’t come out in the past four years that hasn’t been associated with him in some way.

Alright, I know I’m exagerating, but come on! His characters aren’t that different, either. They’re usually either complete weirdos, or guys who start out normal and go insane later. One time my mother watched three movies in one night and all of them had Will Farrell in them! He’s scary looking too. He has really, tiny little eyes that look crazy, especially when they get bigger. I’m really tired of looking at his face on the screen!

Of course I don’t know him personally, so who am I to judge, right? I guess it’s more accurate to say that I hate the fact that he’s in practically every single movie that’s come out recently. I think that Will Farrell should be put on a spaceship and sent to another planet for about ten years or so, just so we can get some movies without him in them!

Oh, I hate Will Farrell!

Credits: Suna

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles – boring and dull

Kevin — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 00:44:53 +0000

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles is the third film in the Crocodile Dundee trilogy. Mick Dundee is living in walkabout creek, a little town in the outback where he first met Sue Charlton. They been together for over 10 years and have a young boy called Mikey.

Mick doesn’t kill crocodiles anymore, instead he does shows that involve crocodiles for the amusement of tourists.

Sue Charlton has to go to Los Angeles to manage the area office for her father’s newspaper after the person running the place is found dead in suspicious circumstances. Mick and Mikey go to Los Angeles with Sue.

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles is an awful film. There is no sexual chemistry between Paul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski although they had been living as a couple in real life since the late 1980’s. The film again plays the culture clash theme and that turns out to be a disaster. There are few moments in the film that are good otherwise it is not a good film. Paul Hogan is not funny anymore.

Credits: David Manning

Brokeback Mountain – a movie to hate

Kevin — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 14:22:56 +0000

The press for this movie is like some weird new kind of audial torture that alternates from ear to ear. On one hand, I keep hearing the phrase “gay cowboy movie” – which, really, has all the haunting appeal of someone saying “literate nigger film”. That is to say it reeks of a condescension I could perhaps do without.

At the same time, in my other ear, everyone makes incessant constipated bleats of “I hear it’s really well written!!!”, and, “it actually has a great story.” Oh yeah, okay: as if there’s some kind of argument of High Art that has to be made in order for people to tolerate gay films, when last week you set seven bucks on fire and watched “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”. Damn you all – I have sat through more straight romance films without complaint than you have grown hairs on your legs, and when one gay film comes out that you actually want to see, the best you can do is to make me obscenely over-aware of all the various excuses you’ve made that allow you to go watch it? Brokeback Mountain’s living, breathing press junket makes me want to switch out the reels for a five minute short entitled “Me Sodomizing Your Dad”.

Hasn’t the whole thing been a tad too, I don’t know, conspicuous? A holiday houseguest of mine who can be a bit socially awkward at times had apparently told his (Chinese) girlfriend I am gay.

“Has he seen Brokeback Mountain yet???” she asked him over the cellphone.

Gosh, I don’t know. Has she seen Nihao My Concubine yet? It involves Asia from what I hear. For that matter have any stray negros reading this blog been to see Malcolm X lately? It’s really fucking tasteful. It’s not just a black movie for the sake of being a black movie!

Adding insult to injury is the weird hipster-porn event of a lifetime that is the real basis for watching. This piece of shit which I will
never see stars hunky, repulsively smug newfound Hollywood nudist Jake Gylenhaal and his illiterate pal, the compulsive drunk Heath Ledger, best known as That Guy In A Knight’s Tale, or perhaps as someone who probably boned Julia Stiles. And everyone going to Brokeback already knows long in advance there’s sure to be copious shots of creamy buttcheeks in moonlight.

Great. The female-audience equivalent of two lazy, paid-to-moan lesbians.

The new collective moist-panty’d nomination of Jake to Indie Girl Heartthrob has also given me a raging soft-on. Sure, he’s a little more compelling than that whipped dog Orlando Bloom, but the ladies’ idea of a studly rapscallion looks like nothing but a trust fund kid turned actor who happens to have a great bod. Jake Gyllenhaal looks to me like his idea of fun is sitting around with Kirsten Dunst bragging about how few books they’ve read.

The same goes for pretty much everyone nodding their heads thoughtfully at articles in the weekly local rag about what a “tasteful adaptation” it is. Uh huh, like you were really sitting around reading Ring Lardner before this came out, wistfully musing on the fate of short stories in the modern age.

The actors themselves play the same retarded minstrel show tapdance in the press. First off, I know I read an interview with Ledger where he said something like “we just tried to get the love scenes over as quickly as possible”. I can’t find it anymore, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was frantically pulled by all and sundry, to be replaced by the paradoxical bullshit that’s now going around. Here’s two separate interviews combined for contrast:

“One of the reasons I took the role was because he was so complex,” says 26-year-old Ledger. “The complexities are so deeply embedded inside him, and rarely spoken. You’d think you would kind of build up and work out to play a superhero or something, but it ends up being for a gay cowboy story.”

And then there’s this jewel from Jakey-boy: “They’re all like, ‘Dude, you’re gonna kiss a guy,’” he said in a recent interview. [Incidentally, WHO said this? The crew of cokehead stockbrokers and rugby-playing date-rapists he rolls with?] “But it’s not about that for me. It’s about how impossible love can be sometimes, and I can relate to that. As well as that, every man goes through a period of thinking they’re attracted to another guy.”

Oh, good. Now the cowboys aren’t really gay. America is safe in the end after all.

Credits: Ari Rust

I hate Spielberg and the War of the Worlds!

Kevin — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 10:30:38 +0000

I’m violating Steven Spielberg’s review policy for “War of the Worlds” and telling you what I think. I was disturbed by the message: Don’t fight terror, and everything will work out. (In contrast, Spielberg definitely fights for his own interests. Security was literally tighter than that for going to the White House to meet the President. No purses allowed. Three wandings by security.)

It’s bad enough that Steven Spielberg is adding “balance” and factual inaccuracy to the story of the Israeli Mossad’s efforts to assassinate terrorists who killed Israeli Olympic athletes – in his upcoming film, “Vengeance”. It’s bad enough that his message in “Vengeance” is that fighting terrorists and killing them is bad and doesn’t work. But his similar message in “War of the Worlds” is arguably worse – because the movie, with fantastic special effects, is likely to be one of his bigger hits.

Spielberg said “War of the Worlds” is a parallel for 9/11 and serves as a “prism” through which to view 9/11, the War on Terror, and our presence in Iraq. The movie makes that very clear. People running from exploding and falling buildings, walls and kiosks covered with “missing” signs and pictures for those looking for lost relatives, people giving blood — these are all 9/11 references.

But the message is: Don’t fight terrorism. It will miraculously go away if you leave it alone and it breaths our air and culture. Puh-leeze.

For a significant part of the movie, Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) and his daughter are holed up in an old basement with Ogilvy (Tim Robbins). Robbins’ character wants to fight the outer-space invaders or at least die trying. Ray doesn’t want to. He just wants to be silent and wait it out. Because he and Ogilvy are at odds over the strategy to fight the alien terrorists, Ray murders Ogilvy. And magically, the invaders eventually die and go away at the end of the film because, as narrator Morgan Freeman says, they could not handle the bad things in our air, our environment, our culture. Our “spirit” won out over them.

But “spirit” alone does not beat terrorists. Fighting them does. And that involves going on the offense. Terrorists don’t just give up and disappear. They are not aliens who can’t handle our air. Hello? They live among us – they’re of the same species.

That’s exactly what Spielberg, Robbins and their “War of the Worlds” want you to think. Ignore terrorism. Don’t fight it. Stop being so “militant,” and it will go away.

Credits: Debbie Schlussel

I hate the “Birth” Movie

Kevin — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 22:38:12 +0000

I hated the “Birth” movie starring Nicole Kidman. I have to ask you, what was the producer thinking? There was no depth to this movie, it was unbelievably boring.

I was so disappointed with the movie and I could not believe the ending. There were way too many long drawn out scenes and the opera scene had to be the worse, I swear it felt like ten long drawn out moments with the same dreadful music playing, looking at Nicole Kidman’s face.
Also I found the story line to be very disgusting. If you are a sick warped individual, this movie is perfect for you and I could have done without the sex scene that looked like it was from a cheap porno. The movie was a waste of money.

Credits: Rose DesRochers

I hate Sofia Vergara!

Kevin — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 01:52:36 +0000

What do men find in all these Latin women? Are they so sexy as they pretend to be? Personally I do believe they are fat, dirty and have nothing to do with sex appeal! Check Sofia Vergara gallery for example!

Sofia Vergara is one of those Columbian girls who make career in movie industry. I don’t want to insult her personally, but I believe something is not very clear in the way she’d built her prominent career.

I know you think I’m just jealous of Sofia Vergara. No… maybe. Oh yes, I grew strongly mad when my husband brough a Sofia Vergara calendar. Her nude pictures. Sofia Vergara nude – can you imagine?! And this bastard knew I hate her! Why would he do that?

I can’t say I hate all Latin women. Neither do I hate all Latin actresses or music stars. But after that accident with Sofia Vergara calendar, I do hate Sofia Vergera.

Credits: Anna Herlings

Hate for hostile movies!

Kevin — Sat, 26 Nov 2005 04:13:32 +0000

You can call me one of those snubs but I do not support hostility and violence displayed on the TV. I hate a hostile movie being shown on TV when my children are still not in the bed…

I do think we’ve got enough of hostility and violence in real life. Don’t you agree? Why the heck do we need any extra portion of that stuff from our blue screens?

Ok, some claim it helps us pooh off our negative emotions so we stay calm, kind, nice and whatever with our family and friends. Right, we are adults and I won’t try to convince you in that hostile movies can influence our character. But we have children! People, they are YOUR children! Do you really want them to be bred up on these terrible hostile movies full of hate and violence?

I doubt it. Personally I think that those who defend hostility and violence on the television, have their personal interest in that hostility doesn’t go off our TV screens.

I hate hostile movies. Hope you do too.