1) I smoke.
2) I’m a liar and a cheat.
3) I eat seafood.
4) I have sex even though I’m not married.
5) I cannot be trusted.
6) I take advantage of people.
7) I have no heart.
8) I’m going to hell when I die.
9) I’m going to end up a bum.
10) I will live in a trailer park married to a fat woman.
11) I’m an asshole
12) End up addicted to drugs

Now due to the fact that I hardly know my father except that he was in the army. So I cannot defend myself because I do not know if I am actually acting like my father, or not. How can I immolate someone I hardly know?

However, that is a moot point, because I am by all accounts doing a excellent job of following my father’s footsteps. So here I am acting just like my father, despite the fact I got into one of the best colleges in the U.S, and despite the fact I have NEVER taken advantage of someone, or joined the army or get a tattoo.

However, since I smoke, and have sex outside of marriage I am doomed to a life of drugs, trailer parks, and being just like my father. So I hate him. I hate him because no matter how hard I try to distance myself from this man who I know nothing about, I can’t. Since I have his name I guess that means I am destined to be him.

I guess that means my free will means jack shit next to the oh so powerful pulling force that is my father. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

In the end, she even had the audacity to say that we no longer had any decent conversation any more, which was the straw that broke yours truly’s back. Some background information; when I tell her about my day, she seems to find some niggles in it; I am almost constantly tired when I come back from work, and want to sleep (she’s a first year student, and currently enjoying a half-term break). When I try to make conversation, she’s all MEH (she’s almost always in a bad mood), what’s more, I lead a fulfilled life and am generally happy, but she makes me feel like utter crap by essentially being jealous about my having a good day.

Part of the problem is that she has Asperger’s syndrome, and thus says what she means, often to great detriment. Other couples live in bliss, sustained by little white lies that avert full-blown war, happily living their lives and letting little niggles pass, because, seriously now people, why get hot and bothered about something so small? People shouldn’t get irrational and angry and hate their partner about a TV show, gorramit.

So, I hate my moody girlfriend.

I don’t understand why I drink. I prefer to drink alone, in a pub where I can sit outside, to smoke and read.

It is an escape and is relaxing. But why do I need to drink to relax and escape? Why do I even need to escape?

Fuck it, I’ll have some wine and forget about it.

Perhaps it’s worse because I prefer to drink alone, but it’s always when there’s more than one person that stupid things happen.

You decide to do something silly. Even speaking to like minded people is just awful. My friends turn into drooling monsters.

But those drooling monsters spouting bullshit study quantum mechanics. What about more emotionally unstable, less intelligent people?

Like another friend who took a little coke, then got drunk. He got really offended when everyone left, smashed a glass beside the bouncer. What a great night. Anyway, he’s another story.

So I drink alone and read until my eyes and mind can’t focus. Memories of my ex come back to haunt me when we used to go out together.

Call me cynical but I find relationships possible because it’s easy to drink yourself into wanting some sex.

Still, we used to watch the birds circling at sunset, before they went under the bridge – it’s the most beautiful thing in our city – and watching them alone is painful.

It’s all right though because the alcohol makes emotion easy, and I don’t have to care about it.

But I can’t work out why I do this. I’ve been drinking since I was 13-14. Does it make a difference? Who knows? I can’t work it out, I’m too hungover.

A couple of weeks ago, her mom went to spend some time with her boyfriend for several days in a row, so Taylor ended up having to stay with some of her friends for about 5 days in a row. During that time, she started avoiding my phone calls, wouldn’t reply to any text, and wouldn’t call me back or anything. I got a little paranoid, so I mapquested her work and called her there. [Probably not the best thing to do, but I HAD to know what was going on.] That night, she sent me a text saying “I need to take a break to sort things out in my life. It has nothing to do with you, only me… I’m sorry baby. I love you”. Well, knowing me, I didn’t exactly take that the way she expected. I started getting really depressed, angry, and passive at the same time. I started listening to different music, I can’t watch TV anymore because of all the “Love” on the movies / TV shows.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve directed all my efforts to getting her back. She kept saying “I can’t do it right now. I need to be alone for a while.. I’m not leaving you for good. Just for a while. Until we meet in person.” Well, I was slowly getting comfortable with that, but at the same time falling apart inside. I HAD to have her back. I couldn’t even bare to talk to her hardly because of the hurt. And on Thanksgiving Day, of all things, she sends me a text saying the one thing I NEVER wanted to hear… She found somebody else. This is the exact words she said: “It makes it hard cause we live so far apart. There’s someone here. . . Not like you though. No ones like you. But still. . . Someone here is a lot more realistic than someone a thousand miles away.” and I replied saying something similar to: “so you have been lying to me… with true love, distance shouldn’t matter. If you truly love me the way you say you do, then you’d stay with me…”. She responds: “Not quite. Someone is interested and I am too. But I don’t want you to think they’re the reason I wanted to break up. I wanted to before I met them.”

She broke up with me to “sort things out in her life and be alone until we meet in person”, but 2 days later, she finds somebody else and starts dating them. She laid this all out on me right after having a good Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I put her on the spot pretty good later that night. I feel bad about it. I’ve gotten so attached to her that I can’t avoid talking to her, but the hurt is so much that I can’t continue talking to her. I still love her, but I loathe her at the same time.

I put her on the spot so good that I don’t think she’ll be talking to me for a very long time. I sent her a text saying “So you want to break up with me and date some person you ‘met a few days ago’. You fell for the first person to come your way. If you really did love me, you would stay with me no matter how far apart we live. But you won’t. You’re not loyal. You’re not a good girlfriend. You’re a shitty person. You don’t love me. You don’t care how I feel or what I want. You don’t care that I wanted a good life for you. You wasted almost 2 years of my life. I tried to help you and how do I get repaid? By getting dumped for some random person you just met. Damn I feel good about myself… NOT! You had so many chances to have me back but you spit it back in my face. BUGGING BUG! Who the bug are you now?”

You’ll have to excuse the language, I was very angry last night. I don’t really have much else to say. As today just started and I’m still having the urge to just scream and cry at the same time. But I’m having trouble doing either. I’ve tried so hard over the past 3 years to control my anger, that I’ve become extremely docile and I can’t see myself doing either of those.

Thank you.

Michael Murphy

You know there is a history between them. And when your significant other claims he or she is just friends with the other person—but refuses to introduce you to him or her. Or when he or she says there’s nothing between them, but gets defensive about you questioning why they need to talk, email, keep in touch on MySpace, send each other notes on Netflix and forums—your blood turns cold because you know that he or she is refusing to see (or perhaps sees but doesn’t care) that he or she is having an emotional affair.

That’s why I hate Lynn.

He refuses to introduce us because her poor little nerves might not be able to take it or because she simply doesn’t want to. He refuses to stop talking to her because she is “the only other person in the world I can really talk to.” Yet I am not good enough to be acquainted with this person.

She doesn’t ask him about me. She won’t meet me. Sending a red flag that there’s still something there on her side.

And that he takes to her defense—it makes me wonder if the feeling isn’t mutual. When I ask if she has a boyfriend, he can’t answer the question. He hasn’t asked—and she doesn’t say.

No words can describe how much their relationship makes my blood boil; my fingers tremble even as I type:

I hate Lynn.

Now I am sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. I searched “anti-christmas” and “i hate christmas” on the web and came up with lots and lots of sites. Some even stating F*** Christmas!

Why do I feel this way? Maybe because I am getting ready to spend the next 6 weeks of my life chained to a shop counter selling toys to frustrated, harried parents and their annoying, sniveling children. Gee, that might be it. When did parenting skills start becoming ranked by how large and how expensive a Christmas a parent could give their Kid? Are you a BAD parent because you aren’t willing to risk life and limb to buy your kid the latest, greatest, hottest toy? (I blame that on Cabbage Patch Kids, the scourge of the 80’s!)

Yes, I work in a toy store so some of you are thinking that I have brought this on myself. I do accept some of the blame for promoting the capitalist way of life full of materialism and debt. BUT it wasn’t always that way. 25 holidays in retail have shown me that.

First off, why do we need a holiday that celebrates shopping? Or better yet, why do we have to celebrate every holiday, no matter how obscure, with shopping? We spend and spend and spend enough on a daily basis putting American credit card debt in the BILLIONS, so why do we need a specific holiday to emphasis that?

Second, why so early? Thanksgiving used to mark the beginning of the holiday season. Then it was Halloween and now it’s back-to-school! I knew we were in for it when I saw Reindeer Table linens in Target in AUGUST. Besides, my birthday is in November and I feel completely ripped off. November is just glossed over and treated as a launching pad for December. Next thing you know, November will be struck from the calendar and December will become 60 days long.

It took me years to figure out the Day after Thanksgiving was called “Black Friday” in reference to the accounting term “In the Black”, meaning all the stores will make enough money to put their in a positive balance as opposed to being “in the red.” I thought they called it Black Friday because it was a horrible @#$%& day to have to work!

Thanksgiving is no longer the busiest shopping day of the year because people are trying to start their shopping but because companies are now whoring themselves out with ridiculous promotions and sales in an effort to capture the customer’s last dollar.

On that thought, I need to start my day. Happy Holidays to you (because I’m not allowed to wish anyone a Merry Christmas anymore).

Ellie

I hate Christmas (2006 edition)

I hate that I’m so frigging greedy – that my parents work their asses off to give me the best life they can, which they have, and I still want more. I hate that we are clearly middle-class, I live in a nice apartment, have both my parents when so many people clearly have nothing and I’m never satisfied. Why am I such a selfish, self-centered bum?!

My sister is totally the opposite. She isn’t very bright, she doesn’t speak proper English, she can’t cook, she can’t maintain a stable relationship. She blames everthing that happens to her on other people. She never takes responsiblity for herself or her actions. It’s her, it’s her stubborn attitude, military background, messed up old fashioned upbringing, that allows her brain to be screwed up.

My mom died when I was 5 years old, me and my two brothers ultimately were raised by our maternal grandmother who favors our older sister. I pray daily that this hate can be changed. But The Grandmother is suppose to be the link that holds the chain together. Me and many of my family members don’t see it that way. How could a person like me, so down to earth, witty, intelligent, smart, beautiful as me have this hatred in my heart! I thought maybe if I wrote it I wouldn’t think about it. But as of today, I hate her even more. I wish my Grandmother wasn’t involved in upholding foolishness, but I guess you can’t teach an old dog the new tricks!

I hate my sister and I hate myself for that.

I hate feeling fat for not weighing 100 pounds.

I hate not feeling attractive because I have curves.

I hate it when guys tell girls that they like a little meat on the bone and just a handful when you can clearly hear them with their friends discussing the hot skinny chicks with big boobs that give them boners and how much they want to fuck them and bury their face in their boobs and blah-blah-blah.

What about the girls who diet and exercise everyday and still aren’t considered attractive because they aren’t size 0? That’s right, we are viewed as unsucessful, unattractive and ugly. I hate trying to live up to something that I can’t genetically be, I hate being told I’m fat, I hate being told that the skinny girls are hot, I hate seeing my boyfriend drool over skinny girls, I hate food and I hate being fat when I’m not even fat at all!

Credits: Miranda