I Hate This! Blog

I hate alcohol because of what it does to me in both the short term and the long term.

I don’t understand why I drink. I prefer to drink alone, in a pub where I can sit outside, to smoke and read.

It is an escape and is relaxing. But why do I need to drink to relax and escape? Why do I even need to escape?

Fuck it, I’ll have some wine and forget about it.

Perhaps it’s worse because I prefer to drink alone, but it’s always when there’s more than one person that stupid things happen.

You decide to do something silly. Even speaking to like minded people is just awful. My friends turn into drooling monsters.

But those drooling monsters spouting bullshit study quantum mechanics. What about more emotionally unstable, less intelligent people?

Like another friend who took a little coke, then got drunk. He got really offended when everyone left, smashed a glass beside the bouncer. What a great night. Anyway, he’s another story.

So I drink alone and read until my eyes and mind can’t focus. Memories of my ex come back to haunt me when we used to go out together.

Call me cynical but I find relationships possible because it’s easy to drink yourself into wanting some sex.

Still, we used to watch the birds circling at sunset, before they went under the bridge - it’s the most beautiful thing in our city - and watching them alone is painful.

It’s all right though because the alcohol makes emotion easy, and I don’t have to care about it.

But I can’t work out why I do this. I’ve been drinking since I was 13-14. Does it make a difference? Who knows? I can’t work it out, I’m too hungover.