I Hate This! Blog

The next morning Cheyenne very timidly told me that she was having “doubts about our relationship.” I realized later how much planning had gone into this attempt to break up with me: she had waited until after the house party because she didn’t want the break up to interfere with her fun. But she had made me take Chaser during the party so that I would be bright and alert and ready for her break-up speech. She had also planned on the fact that I usually go the gym on Sunday morning. This was basically a hit-and-run tactic: she wanted to break up with me in a way so that I would not have time to discuss it with her. She had even arranged to stay at a friend’s house that night so she wouldn’t have to see me.

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Going to a bar with some friends somehow turned into going to a strip club with about ten other graduate students. I will state here that I hate strip clubs: in my work I know teenage girls that strip because they need the money. I see stripping as an institution that exploits the poor. Cheyenne’s view of strip clubs was a lot like her view of the Virgin Mary tattoo: if a man went to a strip club it was vile and a form of oppressing women, but if a woman went it was reclaiming female sexuality. This was, of course, total bullshit but I didn’t say anything.

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At the end of the year I quit my job, moved to the South, and took a job in education. At the job interview I lied and referred to Cheyenne as my “fiancé.” Originally I had not wanted to move in with her—primarily because my job would be requiring me to get up at 6:30 and, as a graduate student, she would often sleep until noon. However, she managed to browbeat me into moving in. This, my therapist would later tell me, was another red flag.

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AT&T and Cingular are only slightly evil. On the other hand, Legacy, which has hijacked several pay phones in Redwood City, should burn in hell. BEWARE. On April 12th, while traveling north to meet D and then go to a Hookslide concert, I ended up spending over $27 to make two local calls via pay phone. Admittedly, this was an avoidable error on my part, but it doesn’t excuse the deceptive and predatory practices of the pay phone operator.

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Let me start by saying how grateful I am to this site. I have been choking on my own bitterness and rage for months. My therapist has suggested to write down my feelings—but if you can’t share that angst with anyone it’s just not the same. Retelling this story has gotten very long and I apologize for that. I only hope that other viewers will find it enjoyable reading.

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