Cats have always made me wonder if there is any way to get rid of them. Maybe I’m a bit of a cat hater, but these animals really drive me mad. And it’s not funny. I don’t like dogs either, but they are far from being so damn annoying as cats are. Oh, these nasty creatures…

First - cats are extremely annoying when they are hungry. Or pretend to be hungry. They just follow you wherever you go and meaw. Meaw… meaw… meaaawww… And they meawing is something horrible. It nearly makes my brain explode. What’s the heck? I’m not dumb and I understand from the first damn ‘Meaw!’ that you are hungry. Let me finish what I’m doing now and I’ll go give you some food. No, they wouldn’t listen. This brainspilling meawing continues until you completely lose your nerves and go give this little hell-creature something to shut up its mouth.

Second - these furry creatures are really nasty. They don’t know what it means to be shy or something. Behaviour comes from what they want to do. If they want to go sleep on your kneels - they’ll do it. If jumping on your feet is their urgent need at this very moment - be sure, they’ll do it. They do whatever they want and whatever fits them. No rules of behaviour, no respect - cats always do what they want. Some people think of it as of their unique feature, the so-to-say CATS-WALK-ALONE stuff. Whatever. I hate this and I hate cats because of tnis.

Third - cats are damn crazy about sex. If they don’t have a partner, they start raping everything they see around them. Stuffed toys, furry blankets, stockings… whatever. Whatever looks like a cat (or at least lightly resembles it) is under the danger of being raped. No exceptions. If a horny cat spots something like this, it goes and takes it. I can’t say ‘makes love with it’, that would be too much a mistake.

I hate cats. Hope you do too.