You are reading this thinking to yourself “What a loser”, unless you are awesome and kick ass. Then you are thinking, “What a loser, but man he is awesome”. That’s what I think when I look in the mirror every morning.

The first thing that comes to my mind is school. I hate the people at my school. I especially hate this girl. I hate her laugh. It’s an excruciating high-pitched cackle that echoes in your mind hours after taking place. I hate other people at my school. I hate my teachers. I hate this one teacher, whose classroom is as close to hell as you are going to get. I hate stuff.

I hate everything made by nature. I hate my dogs. I hate animals, they aren’t smart. Humans are awesome though.

I hate people that send me junk mail (junk mail is also hate mail). I hate cars. They suck. They drive and do other crazy things. I hate doors. Doors are stupid. Automatic doors are alright though… I hate automatic doors. I hate wigs. If people stopped wearing wigs, we would know they were stupid and ugly. Then we could give them the beatings they deserve. I hate grass. I hate trees. They are stupid. I hate pain. Pain is stupid. It should be canceled forever. Maybe if I invite aliens to my house they will teach me to get rid of pain. Maybe a drug addict could help me too. An alien drug addict, they should be invented. Einstein could do it… If he wasn’t crazy. Crazy in loooove. I hate that song. Stop playing that song on the radio. In fact, I hate the radio. Radios should be able to fire bullets. Radioactive guns. Ha, I’m a genius. People should pay me money. Lots of money for no reason. They should take money from poor people. Poor people aren’t using their money anyway. They don’t have money. I want money from rich and middle-class people too. I hate people. People spend money on stuff. They could be giving me money. Straws are stupid. They are for lazy people. I lift my cups up like a real man. I hate clocks. Watches are better. If you have a Rolex watch, girls will love you. I saw the commercials. People that get extreme make-overs are crazy. I saw the end of one, and the lady that got it was ugly before and after. Then her daughter said “I can read better”. I was laughing forever. As if seeing your mom stay ugly will help with your education. Then I stopped laughing.

Out of everything I hate, I hate you the most. You are reading this thinking to yourself “What a loser”, unless you are awesome and kick ass. Then you are thinking, “What a loser, but man he is awesome”. That’s what I think when I look in the mirror every morning. Then I don’t take a shower. I think I’m more of a deodorant person. Then I go back to school. Did I mention I hate school? School. I hate yelling.

Credits: Fastman