The internet is infuriating 99% of the time and sites like this with their “free membership” tricks just make it less of a resource tool, as it was meant to be, and more of an endless conglomerate of scams and quick buck ideas.

It’s 2:30 in the morning and, for some reason, I just have to read an article on the ever so interesting topic of copywriting. I click on the article and a screen pops up that says I can register for a “Free Membership and Get Instant Access Now!” Hurray. So, I sit there and prepare to register for access like the crazed insomniac I am, by the way, this is solely for the fun of reading an article on copywriting. Plus, I have been sitting in a dark room and staring at a blue screen for eleven hours, I’m sure this will only take a moment.

It’s always a three step process. Information, email, and confirmation email and in-between these three steps are huge scrolling advertisements asking for my information. So after I give my information to the real site I click on the “next step” button and I give it all over again until I scroll down about half way and I see the “skip and continue with registration” button and I realize they just scammed me into satisfying their advertisers. So after that pleasant affirmation of the despicable tactics of “Internet Marketing from the Trenches” I proceed forth with step two of my fantastic voyage. I enter my email address, twice, and uncheck the “subscribe to newsletter” button. (which will inevitably become checked by step 3) My destiny and the destiny of millions of useless newsletters (that I didn’t sign up for) lay hand in hand. I am doomed to their fate. At least I know I have connections to make $1000 a week working at home and enlarge my penis 37%.

After step 2, which I describe as: The 15 minutes of data entry for which I should be able to put on a resume, I finally reach the final step. The confirmation email. My nocturnal eyes gaze in anticipation. I finally get to read my ever-so-interesting-and-worth-all-this-trouble copywriting article. Right? Wrong! After I click my confirmation link for my “Free Full Access Membership” I get treated to a page that shows they not only have one article on copywriting, but two dozen, and for me to read any of these I need the “Premium Full Access Membership” which happens to cost $12.95 a month. I wish this wasn’t a true story, because I think I need an “oops I crapped my pants” premium full access diaper.

Credits: Matt Koopman