Just when you thought MTV couldn’t get more annoying, they give Cameron Diaz her own show called “Trippin’… Every time she opens her gaping mouth, she spews even more self-righteous nonsense all over the place.

Note that the name of the show is “Trippin’” and not “Tripping” because the addition of the letter “g” would not be consistent with the views of MTV’s urban youth demographic who tend to frown upon linguistic formalities such as proper enunciation. I mean, proper ‘nunciation, yo!

The theme song states “YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE… YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A CHANGE.” Wow, thank you MTV, for making me feel empowered and independent, like only a multinational media conglomerate can.

I hate Cameron Diaz.

I don’t know her, yet I know enough miscellaneous bullshit about her to fill a book. For example, why do I know that Cameron Diaz is dating Justin Timberlake? I don’t watch much TV, I rarely listen to the radio, and I avoid celebrity gossip like rape, yet I know the names of the last two guys she humped with that canyonesque twat of hers.

Then as if Cameron Diaz wasn’t annoying enough, she brought her “friends” along. In particular, notable environmental activists such as Eva Mendez, rapper “Redman,” Drew Barrymore, Jessica Alba, and Blink 182 bass player Mark Hoppus, often seen with a shit-eating grin.

Every time she opens her gaping mouth, she spews more self-righteous nonsense all over the place. One of my favorite lines is when she says “it’s kind of gotten out of hand how much of a convenience we think we need.” Diaz, who makes around $20 million per picture and drives a Lexus, was able to say this with a straight face. What the hell is that supposed to mean, “convenience we think we need”? We don’t need it, we want it. I like being able to get hot water, hot food, and hot porn whenever I want. Just as soon as you give up your mansion and live in a shit hut with your multi-millionaire boyfriend, we might give a darn about your criticism of the modern conveniences.

Of course, having a show in which the hosts prattle on and on about conservation and environmental causes, it makes you wonder how they’re able to do it without sounding like giant hypocrites as they fly around on helicopters and jets, all while using enough electricity to power a small city. Simply put: they can’t, but that doesn’t stop them from trying.

The way they try to avoid this nagging ideological contradiction is by stating: “Trippin’ has offset all the pollution created from energy use in making the show, to ensure that it would not contribute to global warming.” They supposedly do this by buying “clean air credits.” Great idea assholes, so instead of owning up to your shitty ideals and not polluting, you pay someone else not to pollute. Maybe we should all try to pay someone off every time we want to do something that might inconvenience us. I was going to go on a diet, but it’s too hard, so I’m going to pay someone else to diet for me. I was going to do a show about community service, but doing the actual work was too inconvenient, so I’m going to pay someone to do it for me. Yeah, sounds cool.

Credits: Maddox