I hate Madonna. Particularly her new song, on which she raps. And I feel really bad about this. See, I’ve never liked Madonna, not much, some of her songs are catchy, and I will dance, but I’ve never really, you know, liked her. I wouldn’t call myself a fan. And now, now she’s rapping. Badly. More than badly.

It’s an awful new song, and quite frankly, given the choice between Dr. Karl Kennedy and this on a loop, in hell, for eternity, I’d be hard pressed to decide. But in a way, I worry.

I worry that I could have done something to prevent this. I mean, if I’d given her the support she needed earlier on, maybe she never would have turned to this. If I, and all my friends, had given her the love and encouragement she so obviously needed, perhaps she wouldn’t have felt the need to stoop to these depths to try and gain our attention.

Poor darling.

Either that, or she’s doing irony.

And if Madonna’s doing irony and I don’t get it, then I’m bugged, my life is over, shoot me now.