Let me be perfectly clear. I hate 15-second TV Commercials. I hate 15-second TV commercials. I hate writing them. I hate the people who suggest them. I hate the people who justify them. I hate the people who plan them in a media schedule. I hate clients who believe they are worthwhile.

Andy Warhol said that everyone will get their 15 minutes of fame. But if left in the hands of the modern-day media buyer/haggler/schmoozer we would only have 15 seconds of fame…but “at least we would have more 15-seconds to spread over a longer period and with greater frequency”.

I hate that justification. Then they pull out the tarps and farts and show how much reach they will get as everyone sits around the boardroom table like startled plovers going “Hmmm”.

I hate plovers. I hate people who go “hmmm”. I hate that they can measure reach and frequency as though it was an exact science, but can’t measure impact.

I hate how we eulogise the creative TV work from other countries, but no one has cottoned on to the fact that most of their “films”, “spots” or whatever trendy nickname they give TV commercials are actually 40-plus seconds. I hate nicknames.

I hate the fact that our standard unit of measurement is 30 seconds. If it was 40 seconds the creative standards of this country would improve overnight.

Creativity is constantly battling the menace of time duration. (Idea for all free-to-air networks: Network Ten offer 10 free seconds, Nine Network offer nine free seconds, Seven Network, 7 free seconds. A 37-second commercial gives more scope than a 30, trust me).

So, name a good 15-second advertisement.

I can only think of one: Twisties “Shots”. Otherwise there are a lot of very, very bad 15-second ads out there.

I remember when the 15-second was introduced. It was a revolution. It forced clients and creatives to think single-mindedly.

I remember the great campaigns for Hoover and Wagon Wheels. And then somehow it all went wrong. 15-seconders stopped being a creative way of solving a problem. The same for Tuborg Stein.

Is it coincidence this happened as the media department down the corridor became the media uber-shop down the road?

Now—and forgive me for choking on this while I write—we don’t do 15 seconders, we do 15 second “cutdowns”.

Which begs the question, if you can cut down a 30-seconder, doesn’t that mean half of the original is superfluous?

Remember (for those older than the current crop of young media hustlers) the TV show Max Headroom? Remember how they spoke about “blipverts”—ads done in the blink of an eye that supposedly got the message through? I hate to think we are heading towards that.

Credits: Sean Cummins